Don't Let's Start

I'm still around.

So, here I am. I'm 21 years old now. Things feel a bit different as I'm sure they should. Take this moment as an example. I'm drinking (and have been for a while. pardon any typos) the Guinness Extra Stout that I was permitted to buy when the man asked for my ID. Strange feeling. No more asking elder friends for their assistance so that I can commence alcoholic indulgence.

My 21st birthday was great. I had a wonderful time. Typically, people will go out with their friends and end the night in a toilet, or curled up in a bed soaked in their own bodily excrements. Not I, though. I spent the evening with my ever-so loving girlfriend who knew JUST how to make my birthday memorable. Wonderful times that I'll never forget.

On an unrelated (but much more important) note, my application for photo-lab manager has been completed and turned in. I'm not expecting a response until later this week, so any mojo you fabulous net-wanderers can throw my way would be greatly appreciated.

Oh oh OH! Another thing. For some reason, I've been overcome with this astounding fondness of Texas Hold-Em. Don't ask me why, how, or when (not that 'you' would, because 'you' doesn't really exists since no one reads this)...Because I couldn't really tell you. Well, actually, I take that back. I think I may have gained an interest in the game after seeing Rounders. I don't think I'll grant that movie the title of "Sole Inspiration" though. A couple of the other weblogs I read have featured articles about the game. Naturally, the "hmm, maybe I should try this" everyone gets from ANY form of media influence found a place in my head. But, I digress. I've been into all types of poker games for a long time (since I was about 10), so I think the Texas Hold-Em interest was just a natural evolutionary step to fix my poker crave. What can I say? I love to gamble.

I've been playing online Hold-Em over at holdempoker.com. It's interesting how they can make Play Money games feel stressful like a real money game.

Anyway, it's drunk and I'm very 2 AM. Until next time.

I Never Really Gave it Much Thought

In my younger years (not really saying much, as I'm only 20), July 4th was always about fireworks.

"DAD! When are we gonna let off the fireworks?!?! It's frickin' dark already!"
"(slightly irritated)We gotta wait for it to be completely dark. That way we can see 'em better."
"*sigh* Fine..."

Since I was about 16, though, the magic of fireworks never really found a place in my head or heart. July 4th just became any other day of the year. Sure, it's Independence Day, a great day in America's history, but I was mostly apathetic.

Tonight, right around dusk, I was driving down by the Ohio River, with Cincinnati in the background. I was on my way back home from some errands I had to run, when I was greeted by the very first, of what is sure to be a magnificent fireworks display all over Northern Kentucky and Southern Ohio. When I saw those first shells rise up and explode, with the Ohio River reflecting every glorious shimmer they had to offer, I was taken aback with an amazing feeling of pride. I was reminded of the history lesson we all learn in grade school: When Francis Scott Key was aboard the American ship in the Chesapeke Bay watching as the British Army attacked Fort McHenry from their ships. Then, after 25 hours of bombardment, the royal navy ceased their attack and Francis Scott Key peered across the bay to see the American Flag still flying high in the air.

The combination of twilight, the river reflecting the wonderous fireworks displays, and the reverie I was in, led to an emotional high I hadn't experienced in a long time.

I feel compelled to post the words that have been repeating over and over in my head tonight.

The Defence of Fort McHenry AKA The Star-Spangled Banner

O say, can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hail'd at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, thro' the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watch'd, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof thro' the night that our flag was still there.
O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore dimly seen thro' the mists of the deep,
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected, now shines on the stream:
'Tis the star-spangled banner: O, long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion,
A home and a country should leave us no more?
Their blood has wash'd out their foul footsteps' pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O thus be it ever when free-men shall stand
Between their lov'd home and the war's desolation;
Blest with vict'ry and peace, may the heav'n-rescued land
Praise the Pow'r that hath made and preserv'd us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: “In God is our trust!”
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

I thought today was going to be just another day, but I was very wrong.

Happy Independence Day everyone.

I’d Rather be Whistling in the Dark

I just finished uploading the VERY early version of Eric's Music Library v2.0. Check it out if you'd like. There isn't any real content up yet, but I plan to fix that by the weekend, or during the weekend.

With that site, I'm actually TRYING to get the minimalistic look. I don't want it all overblown like it was before. If you don't like simple sites, then you won't like that site. I can't really see a reason why someone wouldn't like a simple site, unless they just don't like reading without a lot of pretty graphics to keep them occupied as their simple mind wanders. But, you're not one of those people. You're here reading a weblog. So, I suggest you look at my site, and throw some suggestions at the e-mail address posted in the left sidebar. My main battle with the design was: Should I go with black sidebars, or dark blue? I settled on dark blue, but, like I said before, this is a very early version. Many things are going to change.

Moving along...

In my last post, I spoke of my first day at a new job. Well, aside from the fact that I got VERY little sleep due to a fit of anxiety (no, not an anxiety attack), coupled with a sinus headache, things went pretty good. My manager and I worked together on a short-term strategy for getting the lab back up to decent condition. It was brought to my attention that I am the unofficial assistant manager. Factor in a slight ego boost, adjusted for inflation of the self-esteem, and you have me feeling pretty damn good about myself. I still make the same pay I did before, and I can't really boss anyone around (in a non jack-ass way), but my manager is confiding in me for the success of this "transformation."

It's a simple message, and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells

Tomorrow is my first day at a new job.

I have the same title, and work for the same company, but I'm moving to a different location. This is unfortunate, as I was just getting comfortable with all the people I worked with at the last place I was at. I suppose my previous post will be tested in this new environment. Hopefully I'll live up to the resolution I made at the end of it.

Ultimately, I'm really looking forward to it. I'm being sent in so I can help straighten the place out. Apparently my supervisors feel I'm a good worker, and will be able to get them back on their feet. Then again, perhaps they just didn't want me working for them. Who knows? Either way, if I prove myself there, I've been told that I can be in a good position to make the jump into management. One can only hope, but I know that I would be ecstatic if such a title was bestowed upon me.

Two smaller points that don't deserve full entries:

Note 1: Eric's Music Library is back up and running. The layout is still there, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to redo it and make it less...overwhelming?

Note 2: I've always liked the idea of a person adding, at the end of a journal/weblog entry, what music their listening to (a la LiveJournal/DeadJournal). Since I'm one that constantly listens to music while I'm at my computer, I like keeping track of my listening trends. So, in an effort to do that here, I'm going to link each title to the lyrics of a song that most would put in the little "Currently Listening to" spot on their LiveJournals. I despise the typical LiveJournal crowd (Belv and Sara excluded), but that's one thing they have going for them.

Self Assessment

Last week I was reading a thread on the MajorGeeks forums which posed the question: What are you bad at?

I was intrigued by the question. All too often do we ponder what we excel at; perhaps as a way of emphasizing our redeeming qualities. This tends to force most into stuffing their shortcomings to the back of their mind, and out of sight of their precious well-being. I fancy this type of question because it forces me to think about me. How do I REALLY behave? How do I REALLY feel about certain topics? I know how I'd LIKE to answer those questions, but ideal situations and reality are seldom the same. Insight and exploration into one's self can often be a very uplifting, and goal-forming experience.

My initial response was one that came rather quickly. I didn't think very long on the question. I simply said "I'm bad at the opposite of procrastination." Which, ultimately, is true. I tend to procrastinate when it comes to insignificant tasks I need to accomplish. Take, for instance, this weblog entry. I told myself to start writing it on Saturday, and here I am, on Monday evening, finally sitting down to write it. Though my response to the question was true, I still kept the thought in my head. Eric, what the fuck are you REALLY bad at? I knew, in the back of my mind, that procrastination was just a cop-out.

I thought about the question, off and on, for two days until Friday the 10th. I was going with my girlfriend to a party that one of her friends was having. This was the second time I was going to meet a few of the people there, and the first time I was going to meet most of the people there. On the way to the party, my stomach was in knots and I felt like throwing up. I had no idea what was wrong with me, until it dawned on me; Jesus God, I'm fucking nervous.

Why the hell am I nervous? I'm about to get drunk, jam to some music, and probably have great drunk sex with the most beautiful girl ever.

I had no reason to be nervous (unless you jokesters want to say something about sexual insecurity, which, I assure you, was non-existant). But, there was still a sour feeling tugging at me. There was something else in the equation I hadn't consciously acknowledged. Then it hit me.

Holy fuck...I have to meet ALL of her friends.

As an aside: We've been dating for 3 months, and I've only met one of her friends. Her self-proclaimed best friend. There was no nervousness in that situation. Meeting her was simple, as it was a "double-date" scenario. I warmed up to her quickly and came to accept her as a friend. At the party, though, I knew I was going to be inundated by the presence of 20+ strangers immediately; all of which knew each other. I was the new guy. Being the new guy sucks. Plain and simple. No one knows you, and you know no one, and everyone else but you has their place firmly established in the hierarchy of the social clique. As the new guy, it is your job to work your way into the system, or you face exile from her social network.

In a huge whirl of epiphany and nausea, I realized that I am ABSOLUTELY terrible at meeting a lot of new people in social situations.

I specify "social situation" because the work environment is completely different. At work, everyone has their job, and socializing is what's done in between tasks. Being the new guy at work isn't so bad. Conversation at work tends to slowly grow from the goal-oriented get-this-done-or-we're-fired sort of talk until people are more comfortable with each other. Then comes the "So what'd you do this weekend" kind of questions. It all grows from there. Smooth, effective, and comfortable.

Social situations are no-holds-barred "Let's get drunk, yell at nothing, and take pictures of our cocks" type situations. Okay, I don't really look at social situations like that, but the guys at the party must because that's what they did. Different strokes, I guess.

Social situations, to me, are actually an ability to get to know people, or just have good conversation with my already-established circle of friends. This usually only works out when it's a controlled group. It basically breaks down like this:

(The first number is the rough percentage of my current friends present, the second number is the rough percentage of new people present, and the comments afterwards are my general thoughts on the situation.)

100% | 0% :: Good times. We can just hang out and conversate, or perhaps go out and do something. Ya know. Whatever.

75% | 25% :: Yay, new brains to pick! Let's meet the new faces and see if we can welcome them into our group.

50% | 50% :: Usually happens at big parties where more than one person set out with the initial invitations. Not too bad usually, but if something doesn't work out with meeting the new faces, I always have my friends to retreat to.

25% | 75% :: Same as above, but I may find myself heading for the door if the new faces aren't too welcoming. A small cluttered group of friends at a big event tends to stick out worse than a drunk's cock.

1% | 99% :: Typically, this occurs when I'm taken to a party held by someone I don't know, in a town I've never heard of. Immediate thoughts may include: Let's leave, Let's drink FAST, Let's stand over here away from everyone else. This has only happened twice as far as I can remember. The first time was fine because I was already drunk when we got there.

If I know I'm not going to be in a 50/50, or greater, social environment, I would usually do my best to stay away. Now that I've realized this little social downfall of mine, I'm trying my best to engage new people in situations I normally would not. Like I hinted at before, there's no point in recognizing and admitting a short-coming without attempting to overcome it. I feel I'm well on my way to doing just that.